Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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