K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
