Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
