Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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