I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
