New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
