P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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