I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
