DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Semen is not good for contacts.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
