she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
