I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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