Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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