Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
