We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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