Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
