can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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