Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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