i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
