just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Randomize
