Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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