i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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