could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
