Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

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(631): View more from New York

At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech

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(850): View more from Florida

Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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(760): View more from California

He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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(216): View more from Ohio

It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.

Fav 2 252 411
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(843): View more from South Carolina

oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!

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