Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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