Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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