Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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