I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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