Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
