I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
