Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i now understand why vodka
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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