Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
