distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
