If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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