I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
