Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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