Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
