We need to rekindle our bromance
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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