It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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