Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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