Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mom said you looked used
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
