I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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