honey bunches of taint.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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