they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
