Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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