Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well you can't waste a boner
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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