I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
