Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
