surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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