i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
