everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
