Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
