chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
