so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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