so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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