hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am mentally ready for anal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
