I didn't shave. On purpose
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
