dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
