you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
