So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
