There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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