You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
