He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
