i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
