my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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