I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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