I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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