Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sext me about skeletons
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
