and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
