I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
